Shot at Coney Island, the NYC/Philly band’s new video deserves to be roasted like a Nathan’s hot dog
This is the first installment of a one-and-done segment called THEY MADE ME ROAST THEM, in which (upon request!) I say mean things I don’t mean about bands I swear I actually love!!!!!!!!
Check out THESE fuckin’ cheesesteaks.
Oh wow—Philly/NYC band Stranger Waves decides to film a video by the ocean in a place known for being weird. Howwwww CREATIVE.
Dream pop? Psh, more like a NIGHTMARE. Good thing Philly is all about brotherly love because the only people who could possibly like this band are the ones who are biologically obligated to do so.
These clowns should take a hint from the goddamn Liberty Bell and HANG IT UP, because frankly, while I’ve only known Stranger Waves since the spring, I got sick of listening to them what feels like 246 years ago.
You think this is mean? It’s been four years of nothing but positivity over here. I’ve got a lot of pent-up aggression and I’M READY TO BLOG ABOUT IT!
“Backwards”? Psh. I wish I could travel backwards IN TIME so I could choose not to waste four precious minutes of my life watching this shit excuse for a music video. Because honestly? It makes me want to get struck by the Thunderbolt, torn apart by the Cyclone and run over by the goddamn Wonder Wheel. (And then after, drag my mangled body across the beach, into the sea, and float far, far away in whatever direction is further from fuckin’ Philly.)
Also, maybe you guys didn’t go to film school, but it’s called CONTINUITY. Look at this video. One second it’s day, then it’s night, then it’s day again?? MAKE UP YOUR MIND YOU’RE SCREWING UP MY CIRCADIAN RHYTHM.
Wanna get more personal? Kyle, your third-grade music teacher called. She said it’s a damn shame your drum skills haven’t progressed since then. (And that your do-si-do SUCKS.) And Emily, Justin… that’s the weakest, wimpiest bumper-car performance I’ve ever seen. You’re in New York now. (WO)MAN UP!
By the way, I’m no lawyer, but what about all those “extras” in your “music video.” All these people wanted to do was enjoy a FUN DAY at an AMUSEMENT PARK and instead you had the audacity to make them part of your “art.” Did you get their names? Are you going to pay them royalties? Huh? Haha just kidding, it obviously doesn’t matter—it’s not like you’re ever gonna make any money in this industry anyway.
You call yourselves creatives? That dude drawing caricatures down by the Coney bathroom is a more respected artist than any of you will ever be. (And that boardwalk parrot is AT LEAST 10,000 times better than any of you at carrying a tune.)
Oh, and bad news: I talked to the carnie guessing people’s weights down by the cotton candy stand. He sized you up and said that, sorry, your band just isn’t big enough for him to waste his time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
BOOM! That’s the sound of you getting roasted like a Nathan’s hot dog, baby.
(I am so, so sorry.)
JK THIS BAND/SONG/VIDEO ARE ACTUALLY GREAT!!! PLEASE LIKE/FOLLOW/LISTEN/BUY MERCH/SEE SHOWS. I’LL CATCH YOU THERE. <3
Feature image provided by the band.