In his new all-to-relatable single, the NYC artist wonders why he falls for the worst breed of bros (and it’s very, very catchy)
While the term itself is likely an internet creation, the “fuckboy” trope is a tale as old as time.
If I’d listened during eighth grade english or read anything besides self-help books and Sally Rooney in the last seven years, I’d pull out some examples of famed fuckboys from classic literature. (Hamlet? Not sure. Huckleberry Finn? Maybe. Like, once he hit puberty.)
But tragically, fuckboys aren’t a fictional phenomenon anyway. We’re in Brooklyn. Look around. They’re real—and they’re all around you. Breathing on you at the bar, loudly buying condoms at the bodega, scoping out fancy hair products at CVS. And, of course, ALL. UP. ON. ALL. OF. THE. APPS.
Don’t see a fuckboy? Statistically, YOU ARE THE FUCKBOY! Oh, and btw, you’re not safe in the company of women or non-binary folks, either. Despite what the gender-specific terminology might indicate, Fuckboyism is sadly a very inclusive affliction, and those of all identities, across the spectrum and around the world, are voluntarily partaking in this poor behavior every day.
SO! How to identify a fuckboy? Sadly you can’t guess from appearances alone. FB are good talkers and smooooth criminals and ergo can sometimes be hard to spot. They might done pleather or paisley, seersucker or satin, a tux or white tee or very culturally appropriated kimono. So rather than identify them by ensemble, instead you have to examine behavior.
You know the type.
They flatter, they flake, they flee. They gush, they gaslight, they ghost. They love bomb, they lead you on, and then they leave you on read.
They’re inconsistent and non-committal. They’re shallow and self-centered. They’re… they’re…ughhhhhhhhhh. They’re goddamn irresistible.
Sadly, there’s no 12-step program for an addiction to assholes (WE’D ALL BUY THAT BOOK), but we do know that dating misery loves company—and more importantly, music—so with that, I’m happy to point you instead in the direction of the new single from NYC artist Stefan Alexander, which doesn’t beg the question but straight up sings it: Why do I keep going for the fuckboys?
No wonder I’m not having any luck, boys // Cuz all they want is skin // Don’t want to be your friend, so // Why do I keep goin’ for the fuckboys
While a cursory google reveals that fuckboys aren’t in fact listed alongside lice, frogs and locusts as one of the 10 Plagues™, for those of us in Brooklyn who are more affected by bad dates than, say, dead livestock, there’s no more prevalent problem threatening our laughs/loves/livelihoods than this particular breed o’ bros. (Boils do sound pretty gross, though.) However, Stefan Alexander gets it, and ahead of the “FUCKBOYS” release last week, the artist—whom I first encountered via Sofar Sounds and then hosted and fell back in love with at FirstLive Studios this summer— shared his thoughts on the first single from his forthcoming EP, due out in 2022.
“FUCKBOYS” is about the trials and tribulations of dating, going after someone who isn’t emotionally available or emotionally intelligent enough to give you what you need,” he told me of the track over email. “You keep pursuing that type of person because they fulfill some shallow fantasy, but ‘FUCKBOYS’ questions those habits and tries to break that cycle.”
Despite the lack of an official program, we all know the first step is admitting you have a problem, and now that we’ve all come clean, it’s time we raise both our personal and societal standards and then go forth and swipe on! As Stefan’s dad says, “I just hope that you find someone who deserves you and appreciates you for who you are.” In the meantime, maybe don’t give your heart—or send those nudes—to just anyone.
Feature image provided by the artist.